When I saw the first prompt for The Safeword Clubs new project Tell Me About … my brain began whirring with my thoughts on the first topic, which is submission. Then one of my old posts Submission – What Does It Mean To Me? was shared via Twitter and I decided it was time to revisit this subject. It is also combined with this week’s That’s My Kink topic which is FemDom. I have shared so many posts about FemDom and have been wondering how I could discuss it in a new way so as not to bore you all and ‘Tell Me About …’ has given me my answer because my joy of FemDom is nothing without his submission.
Our dynamic is not a serious one, our play is fun, flirty and our D/s element only exists in a scene. We both identify as Switches, but for the last 3 years, our play has been almost exclusively Female Dominant, male submissive. Some people would possibly say it is more of a Top/bottom dynamic and I wouldn’t necessarily argue with that, but there are definite moments within our scenes where D/s is the defining element at play. With that in mind, I’ve considered the ways in which his submission has breathed life into my FemDom desires
His submission is sex appeal
This part of things is two-fold. Firstly in relation to how I view my own sex appeal and secondly in relation to how I can explore the sexual interest I have in men.
I always struggled with feeling sexy, even when someone found me sexy I never felt womanly enough or confident enough to own who I was as a sexual being. I put this down to body confidence, it is less the case now, but I was never in possession of a curvy body and felt very self-conscious about my small boobs. Having a baby and growing older has definitely had an effect on my body shape, for the better I believe, but it wasn’t the physical changes that made me believe in my own sex appeal. It was FemDom.
The reactions, desires and feedback I got from Bakji during and after play began to fuel something in me that nothing else ever had. I started to believe that when I was Dominating him I was sexy. Which eventually began to seep out into parts of my life when I wasn’t the D to his s and this is definitely a wonderful thing.
As I mentioned above the second part of what this element of his submission means to me relates to how I explore my sexual interest in men. Being sexually attracted to men came later to me in life than being sexually attracted to women and as such it has always been an area that felt underdeveloped and left me feeling a lack of confidence in how I interact with men sexually.
When Bakji is all tied up and at my mercy, I am able to explore my attraction to the male form in my own time and in my own way. This has given way to me understanding a lot more about my own desires, my own sexuality and gaining both clarity and confidence in how I approach sex with cisgendered men.
His submission is revealing
When I initially embarked on Topping Bakji it was due to a curiosity about his submissive side. I fancied him so much, and I can admit it now, but couldn’t then, had fallen just a teeny weeny bit in love with him, that not knowing what that side of him was like felt like a missing part of the puzzle that is Bakji. What actually happened though revealed less about him and more about myself.
I was woefully ignorant about the potential I had as a kinkster and despite small niggles here and there that perhaps indicated an interesting in being a D-type I let other people tell me, or at least convince me, that this was not the path for me. With Bakji as my subby one though, all manner of things began to shine through and I suddenly realised I was on a journey of discovery.
I have a much greater understanding of who I am as a kinkster and as asexual being. I’ve even developed greater insights into my own sexuality as we’ve explored our own brand of D/s together.
His submission is freedom
I think some people would argue that what I mean here is that Dominance is freedom for me, and submission is freedom for him. For me, it was the fact his submissive side existed that allowed me to discover the freedom I find in our FemDom exchanges. His desire to submit to me gave me the permission and the space I needed to spread my wings and not just fly but soar. The feeling of euphoria I experience during our scenes is unmatched by anything else I have ever experienced.
There are unavoidable constraints placed upon us in life, like going to work, paying bills and other elements of adulting that I find utterly dreary. None of that exists when I am Dominating Bakji’s bum. I am free from it all, gone are the shackles of daily life and I get to transform into the Queen it feels like I was destined to be. This happened from the first tentatives moments of our initial rope scene, a scene which only existed because Bakji was bold enough to make his desire to explore his submission with me as his Top known.
His submission is inspiring
When it became apparent to me that I personally wasn’t submissive, my well of inspiration for writing dried up a little bit, in fact, it dried up entirely. I had previously been writing D/s erotica to explore my submissive tendencies and that was no longer necessary. In an effort to find a new avenue for my writing I decide to start FlossDoesLife, which was originally going to be about my explorations in non-monogamy. That didn’t quite pan out in the way I imagined and it was only when I wrote The Joy of Topping that this blog took off.
Again some might argue my inspiration came from my own love of being a Top, but once again it was how I revelled in his submission that allowed my love of Topping to even exist. Yes, my blog might have found its way into being with some other inspiration had Bakji’s submission not been the sexiest thing I had ever stumbled upon, but then again, it might not have done.
His submission is addictive
The things I do as a FemDom enthusiast are as they should be a great source of enjoyment for me, but those actions and activities would be joyless and empty with Bakji’s awesome reactions to them. It’s his reactions more than anything else that keeps me wanting more and more. Not only his reactions to things we’ve been exploring for a while but also his reactions to new things. We are always looking to expand our kinky repertoire and the moments where we suddenly discover a new favourite thing are exquisite.
When I think about the things I love most about our scenes and what thing I am most eager to have happen, they are perhaps not the things people would expect. The main one being the various looks he gets in eyes, from that initial sparkle of delight that I’ll be doing wicked things to him to the look of fury he gets when edging and relentless teasing has him desperate to come. Reactions like this are unique to Bakji in his subby moments. They do not exist outside of that.
Having started out as the bottom to Bakji’s Top I have had many joyful experiences while he has been Topping me, and I’ll happily bottom for him again any time he fancies getting his Top on, but there is no single action or reaction that I crave from him as a Top. Which is why it is his submission that is addictive. I want those subby eyes, moans of frustration and the knowledge that in those moments his submission and his will is mine.
Mine is one of many perspectives on this subject, you will find many more by following the badge below which links to this weeks Tell Me About … . I’d also encourage you to share your own thoughts on submission, whether like me you cherish someone else’s or whether you are the submissive yourself.