[Sex] Sex Technicalities: The Woes and The Worries

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I know when a few people saw the latest Wicked Wednesday prompt it sparked some queries to what exactly the prompt was referring too. Which I get, especially if you find sex quite an instinctive and fluid act. When I read the question below though I had a different reaction altogether.

‘What technical aspect of sex do you find tricky?’

‘Oh. My. God. All of it! Sex is hard!’ For the record that was me shouting at my computer and relishing the opportunity to finally confess that I, Floss, a sex blogger (or so they say) finds the finer details of sex bloody tricky.

Disclaimer: This is me pre-Bakji talking and me when faced with new sexual partners. Sex with Bakji is actually not this much hard work and if it was our communication is up to the job of dealing with such dilemmas.

At least that is true when it comes to sex with Cisgendered men. Why? Behold the penis and its ability to throw me totally of my game and render me utterly clueless as to how things are meant to work. Give me an opportunity to sex it up with a person with a foo and I’m all good. Sex with a penis-haver though gets me all discombobulated, which is probably why I’ve been sexually submissive for most of my life, because penises need to do things to me, and then I don’t have to worry about getting it wrong.

The Kama Sutra Does Not Make Me Calm

The first headache I have with P.I.V (penis in vagina) is all the positions. You know what feels good for me? Missionary! Second to that? Reverse Missionary. Thank the Lord that Bakji seems into those ones too! Previously ever getting to enjoy those positions was like getting blood out of a stone.

It always seemed to me that sex wasn’t sex unless it was doggy style. Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely understand why this works for many people, but unless I’m super duper turned on it actually is quite an ouchy position for me. Especially with a well-endowed penis, which is what I have predominantly experienced. If the situation isn’t right every thrust in doggy style send a shockwave of pain through my cunt and straight up into my abdomen. Which I can confirm isn’t fun, or sexy.

Missionary is apparently too dull though, and reverse missionary never quite made the grade either. I’ve never understood why tackling a thousand positions is hot stuff when the few basic ones I favour seem to be far more lucrative when it comes to cashing in sexual pleasure.

I’m On Top Of The World

Except if I’m doing girl on top, then I’m just a bit fucked off. Do I grind? Do I bounce? How do I stop my knees hurting? Just a few of the questions I don’t think I’ll ever answer when it comes to me on top sex.

Even when I do get into it and maybe I lean forward to kiss while giving it my shot down below, that would seem unacceptable and hands would very firmly push back up and into my ‘rightful place’. Fuck the hell off! This isn’t fun either.

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not lazy, I love giving enthusiastic feedback and writhing away beneath the body of a man giving me one. But please don’t ask me to be in charge of the ride because it’s just too awkward. What I want is never what they want and it just ends up feeling more like a performance and less like intuitive, sexy sex and more like a chore.

Blowjobs? More Like Nojobs!

My blow job experience is limited. I can probably count on one hand the number of dicks I’ve sucked and I’m honestly okay with that. It’s not that I don’t like giving them it’s just that once again the hoops I was required to jump through to give them made me feel more like a performing monkey than a sexual partner.

My first sexual partner used the phrase ‘no girl of mine won’t give blowjobs’ I can tell you now nothing made me want to give a blowjob less than hearing those words. I also wasn’t ‘his girl’ for long. The vanilla-land requirement for eye contact during blowjobs makes me want to cry but ‘it’s sexy’ and ‘not that difficult’ so I’m just a baby for not wanting to do it.

Loads of men (probably not any reading my blog) aren’t that great at oral sex, but not being good at blowjobs seems like an admission of treason like activity.

Things that definitely won’t or are unlikely to happen with me if I give you a blowjob, I definitely won’t deepthroat you and it’s unlikely I’ll make you come. I’m okay with that, I’m not the Queen of blowjobs and that’s okay. Especially now because non-monogamy means I can outsource the things I’m not great at.

Handjobs Galore (But That’s a Bore)

The surefire way I can make a guy come? Handjobs, these are the one part of sex with a penis that I am good at. I can give handies with the best of them and reduce a chap to nice spunky puddle with relative ease. Also left or right hand can do the job, which feels like some sort of achievement.

Guess what though? Until Bakji my love of a good handjob was not that well received. They can give themselves handjobs don’t ya know, why would they want me to do it. Mouth and cunt, that what I need to excel at to be good at the sex!

Kink Is My Shepherd. FemDom Is My Saviour!

Finally, at the ripe old age of 34, I could not give less of a shit about all the above experiences. Though it has been cathartic to write about them. Kink and FemDom have unleashed an inner beast whose main focus isn’t P.I.V and who knows how the find the right prey, sorry partners, for the new and improved interests.  

None of my kinky friends are worried about whether I’m technically any good at P.I.V sex and I don’t feel subpar to the ladies who do rock a blowjob and can ride a dick like they stole it. I’ve got my own skills and I am damn proud of them.



Oral sexing a vulva.

Licking nipples.

Leaving bruises.

Wrapping you in bondage.

Are just a few of the things I bring to the sexy table and I am happy to declare that I can rock a partners world in many ways, but that I am probably not the go-to girl for blowjobs and a 5-star shag. I can, however, introduce my partner/s to many girls that are, so if you ask me that makes me a damn good lady to know.

If you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to support me through Ko-fi. All support through Ko-fi is going towards my Eroticon attendance in March. 

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Posted in: Sex

23 thoughts on “[Sex] Sex Technicalities: The Woes and The Worries

  1. *nodnodnod*

    Dear God, the 57 position changes! Because fucking is not about pleasure, obviously; it’s about *looking* like a porn star! (And making him feel like one!)

    I feel you, so hard. On all of this.

    And SO.MANY women are most comfortable in missionary position, yet the overarching message seems to be “Missionary is boring!”

    Um, says who? I LIKE IT, thankyouverymuch.

    1. Exactly! I’m so pleased that so many of us seem to enjoy it too! I feel like a wave of acceptance is washing over me. This is why blogging is so great x

  2. I know the question left many guessing and I too had to check what exactly are the technical sides of sex before I set it as a prompt. It’s lovely to see what everyone comes up with this week, and I love how you have run by different aspects, and how kink has set you free 🙂

    Rebel xox

  3. LOVE missionary! Being on top can be great when I’m in the right mood, but otherwise it just highlights the fact that I have absolutely no rhythm whatsoever! This post is funny and spot on!

  4. OMG! I could cry if someone wants me to be on top… not only do I have serious osteoarthritis in both of my knees which means they don’t even bend that way, even when I didn’t I had NO CLUE what the F#$@ I was doing up there… knees are currently the best thing because they give me a “legit” excuse for why… Just No!

    Thanks for sharing this.. it all makes so much sense… we all com at this with different comfort levels and things that work and more people should be open to working with what you have in relationships!

  5. Great post and o absolutely agree on the spoils of FemDom. Being the boss means you almost always get it how you want it 🙂

  6. It’s funny, I am wrote the exact opposite about hand vs blow jobs – I’ve always found hand jobs to be tricky (and this deflating.) But blow jobs? Bring’em on! But me-on-top…sooo with you there! I’m enjoying reading about so many others’ “technicalities.” I thought I was the only one that prefers missionary…

    1. I am loving the variety of the posts, but am also feeling so much joy in the solidarity for the love of missionary!

  7. Literally all of your skills are things I lack in lol But we are all different and sex would be boring if we weren’t! It’s also one of the things that makes me think non monogamy is a fantastic idea lol
    Aurora x

  8. In pre-kink days, I couldn’t stand blowjobs, handjobs, or changing sexual positions. So I did very little of any of it. In my post-kink days I love it all because I’m not the one in control, and I have a partner I trust to lead in those situations. That being said, we keep position changes to a minimum because it’s just not that fun and our bodies can’t always handle all that shifting around, lol. I STILL feel awkward on top during PIV sex because I have no clue what I’m doing. Thankfully, he takes control and thrusts upward so I don’t have to worry about those technicalities, lol.

    Also, brilliant post!

    1. Thank you Kayla and yes! I actually agree about the changing positions of some else is in charge! Then I’m quite happy to manhandled however they please

  9. Totally feel ya about the ‘on top’ thing. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve actually got pleasure from being on top (but I’ll do it willingly because the Fella loves it soooo much). This was a really interesting and entertaining read! Xx

    1. Thank you 🙂 It is good to know I’m not alone with the ‘on top’ business, I kind of thought I was, so this has been great for my sense of validation x

  10. I like missionary too but love all sorts of things far more than PIV sex anyhow – sex should include variety – u seem to have that covered 😉 x

    1. Lol, yes, I definitely don’t think lack of variety is an issue! Sometimes too much variety is and we struggle to fit in all the things we like to do and have to remember it’s okay to not do everything all at once! x

  11. This was a great post – interesting to be able to find honest parallels and comparisons with other like minded folk, and the comments have drawn so much sharing out of the woodwork. I like on-top for a short while, but soon I am second guessing my rhythm and one hips is screaming for mercy. I like missionary, I’m absolutely terrible at spooning and my blowies are pretty good but I cant deep throat and I often end up combining it with a hand job. I love what you shared, and I BET you’re a great person to know!

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