This week on Instagram someone asked if they could make an enquiry about something personal, it turned out that their question was regarding whether or not I would class myself as a ‘size queen’. I replied that no, size of the penis was not something that I prioritised in my partners. I explained that the chemistry between us and alignment of kink and sexual interests was of far more interest to me, amongst other things of course.
They continued with ‘yeah, yeah, but if all that’s in place do you have a preference for size?’ Which led to my explaining that not all my sexual partners have had penises, and in the absence of a penis I still can and do have really fulfilling sexual and kinky experiences and when a penis is present its usage is irrelevant compared to whether or not the person attached to it is a skilled and passionate lover.
Not only do I not prioritise size, but I also don’t actually prioritise the presence or use of a penis in my sexual adventures and I don’t put penis in vagina sex at the top of my to-do list very often at all. Which is exactly what this week Food for Thought Friday is all about, what a marvellous coincidence.
First things first, before I ramble on about other activities lets get one thing settled. I very much enjoy penetrative sex, I love it when Bakji puts his willy in me and it is a most wonderful and sexually arousing experience, both doing it and contemplating it. However, we hardly ever do it, as in months can go by and we won’t have had PIV sex.
The number one sexual activity for both of us? Handjobs! That’s right Bakji receives them, I give them, he spunks everywhere, I don’t and we bloody love it!
I could try and pad out our sexual repertoire a bit and pretend that in every session we have I’ll get oral, or some of Bakji’s awesome finger skills but it would be a lie. When we are engaging in intimate activities, they are usually kinky and I’m usually Topping which tends to mean bondage, edging, facesitting, boob licking and as previously stated ending in a spunky handjob.
For me, our lack of PIV sex doesn’t mean we aren’t having sex, I count all forms of sexual contact as sex and actually whether or not we’ve been close and engaged in some form of intimacy is far more important than our tally of fucks had.
When it comes to engaging in kinky play I think the ways in which we ‘get off’ don’t always look familiar to those people whose arousal is most definitely based on sexual interaction. Which sometimes makes posts like this tricky to write, because I’m quite often coming at things from an angle that isn’t rooted in genital arousal or satisfaction. That isn’t to say that my genitals don’t get excited by kink, they do, and sexual gratification is a huge part of our play, but the focus of my FemDom scenes and the reason I adore Topping Bakji so much has very little to do with my own sexual stimulation.
Which begs the question; if I’m not being stimulated sexually, reaching orgasm or receiving sexual pleasure what the hell is doing it for me when I’m in FemDom mode. Quite simply, power, control, adrenaline and endorphins. It’s brain sex and there is nothing in this world quite like the feelings I get from being stimulated in those ways.
Bakji can fuck me, PIV-Stylee (like he did on Monday, phwoar) and it will be awesome. I will love it, I will feel close to him, all loved up and chances are I’ll do a cum or two during the fun. Nothing can take away from how much I enjoy those moments with him. But, when he lets me tie him up, take his cock in my hand, edge him until it looks like he might cry and then comes with full body convulsions and an orgasm face that only FemDom can provide? That. Is. Fucking. Beautiful. It’s like an out of body experience, I watch him and I feel like I’m floating, my chest wants to burst with happiness and every single fibre of my being feels truly alive.
Something I’m looking forward to doing more of in our FemDom sessions is penetrating Bakji’s bum. We’ve had to do a lot of testing to find things that work well for us, but recent developments have proved successful and in the new year we are hoping to enjoy some more hot anal action. I’m going to be investing a new strapon, mine is functional but it’s not ‘mine’, as it were. I want one that feels like an extension of me, which means colour, size and shape all need to be just so. I don’t just want him sucking on and being fucked by any old plastic dildo, I want him sucking on and being fucked by a very Floss-feeling-cock.
I know our approach isn’t for everyone and even fellow kinksters have been baffled by our lack of PIV, but it works for us and that is what counts. Sometimes I do get a build up of sexual desire and that’s usually when I change things up, tying Bakji down will be for the purpose of using him as a human dildo while simultaneously using the Doxy on myself. Which means the PIV does happen, in a variety of ways.
If I fancy you though the absence of, inactivity of, or inaccessibility of a penis isn’t going to stop the sexy fun!