[FemDom Friday] Even Hardcore Kinks Have Low Level Entry Points

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One of the most common reasons people tell me that they don’t feel like they can explore FemDom, even when the desire is there, is because they aren’t into ‘the right things’. Once again porn feeds into some absolutely legitimate and wonderful kinks, but often they portray the more advanced end of the scale.

One of the things I always suspected and was delighted to see it confirmed in Princess Kali’s book ‘Enough to Make You Blush’ is that even hardcore kinks have low level entry points. While I am a huge advocate of every reading her book, I know many of you won’t, so I am exploring my own thoughts on the subject to spread the word. Essentially though, from beginning to end, her book is suitable for everyone. Even those people who deemed humiliation not for them, just like I did. Spoiler Alert: I now love erotic humiliation.

When you first enter the kink community or first start exploring a new side to you kinky repertoire it can be easy to become flustered by some kinks and think that you could never do them. It seems to be a secret that all kinks have low level entry points.

Humiliation is a good example of this. People assume that humiliation is all about calling someone a dirty worm, telling them their disgusting and general exploring a lot of words and thoughts that would make many people uncomfortable. While for some people humiliation is exactly that, and that is valid for them, it is understandable why some people would struggle with it.

What humiliation can also be is subtle and erotic. It can be about embarrassment, laughter and exploring slight taboos as opposed to extreme taboos.  The trick to humiliation is finding that thing that will make your partner feel shy and make them squirm, it’s not about trying to hurt them or cause psychological damage.

Kink can be many things to many people, but if it isn’t fun and doesn’t add something to your life then there may be no point in pursuing it. Kink isn’t about getting to the extremes and being able to say you’ve done it all. If you want to explore the kinks that seem hard core though, you don’t need to rush it.

Rope is another example of how rushing to the more elaborate end of the scale can be not only potentially dangerous, but can actually result in missing some fun along the way. I am a big fan of shibari and have done my fair share of rope suspensions as a bottom. As a rope top though I adore freestyle tying and floorwork. For some this may seem like I’m still dabbling in entry level ropework, but it’s okay to find the level that works for you and stay there for a while, enjoying the scenery as it were.

Whether it’s bondage, humiliation, masochism, sadism or any other kink, there is a way to begin exploring without jumping in at the deep end and if you never reach the deep end that’s okay too. You will of course find people in the kinks scene who seem to think you haven’t made it as a kinkster until you’ve reached the extreme end of whichever kink they think it the best. They’ll will think that all masochists need to be bruised and bleeding or that under bed restraints don’t count as bondage. Funnily enough these are the same people who will probably condemned a kink they don’t like as weird or gross. The longer you spend in the kink community the easier it is to spot these kind of people, my best advice is steer away from them and find more tolerant and open minded kinksters to befriend.

Some of our podcast guests have been wonderful examples of how you can engage in some pretty extreme kinks and love every minute of that while still being supportive of other who are just beginning or have different needs to you. Princess Kali was one of these people, as was Rain De Grey. Rain De Grey has some exquisitely extreme videos and images to delight your senses. Well they delight mine that’s for sure. She also is a BDSM and sex educator though and some of her classes include Kink 101, Oral Sex 101 and an Intro to Polyamory. Neither of them make anyone feel like their kinks aren’t valid and that is what we should be striving for, not only as BDSM educators, but as friendly kinksters.

While this advice is coming to you under the guise of FemDom Friday, it is absolutely advice for everyone interested in Kink, Fetish and BDSM. I’m addressing it as part of FemDom Friday though because it is nearly always in relation to FemDom that this conversation seems to arise. My advice is always the same, you don’t have to be hardcore to have amazing FemDom experiences. If you want to get a little more adventurous with the more extreme kinks though, you can start slow and if anyone tells you that you’re less of a Dominant because of that, they are wrong. You are awesome. Fact.


This is the ninth article in a 12 part series, the tenth being ‘FemDom Can Be Sex Inclusive’ is coming soon. You can hear more of my thoughts on FemDom and Kink by tuning in to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram or you can send a friend request on Fetlife.

2019-Help.pngIf you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to support me through Ko-fi. All support through Ko-fi is going towards my Eroticon attendance in March. 

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2 thoughts on “[FemDom Friday] Even Hardcore Kinks Have Low Level Entry Points”

  1. Great post Floss and an important reminder to explore what works for you, at a level that works for you and is FUN! Sometimes the subtle and ‘simple’ acts and intentions carry just as much impact (excuse the pun!) as the more extreme ones.

    Liked by 2 people

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