FemDom Friday: It Doesn’t Have To Be 24/7

When you first join Fetlife, or even when you are perusing BDSM accounts on platform like Twitter and Instagram, you would be forgiven for thinking the majority of D/s enthusiasts are living the lifestyle 24/7, with high protocols and a signed contract as long a their arm tucked away for safekeeping.

Don’t misunderstand me, I am not dismissing the 24/7 lifestyle. It is valid and fulfilling for those who are suited to it and I am the first to love hearing from people who do enjoy their D/s dynamics in this way. However, for some of us, it just isn’t possible, or yearned for, and that is okay too. While I am not currently involved in anything close to 24/7 I certainly do not rule it out, you never know what is round the corner and I think staying open to all manner of BDSM opportunities is a wise move.

I love FemDom and kink in general and would be what is classed as a lifestyle kinkster, the majority of my spare time, hobbies and relationships are kink based. My personal D/s dynamic at this current time though is not anywhere close to 24/7.

When we are engaged in a scene we are all in. There is no questioning who is in charge and we fully embrace our D/s dynamic. Our fun and commitment does not fall short because we only engage in FemDom scenes once or twice a week.

Outside of our scenes we might occasionally fall into a bit of a FemDom vibe if the mood takes us. Whether that’s via phone messages or in person. It isn’t a requirement though, and there is no fallout if one of us doesn’t quite respond in the way we’d expect during a scene.

We also have no protocols to follow outside of a scene, and protocols within scenes vary from day to day. Mostly depending on what I’m in the mood for.

Some people will say ‘well what you’re doing isn’t D/s then, it’s just kinky play’. Maybe they’re right, maybe they’re wrong. Largely though it doesn’t matter to me what other people think. Our FemDom scenes are definitely D/s for me, however if they weren’t technically D/s by someone else’s arbitrary rules, then that’s okay too. The most important thing for me is that myself and my partner/s enjoy the FemDom we engage in. The rest is just semantics.

So many people will say they try D/s but it wasn’t for them and with a little gentle questioning it’s easy to see how they came to that conclusion. They went from having no D/s in their relationship, to having contracts, protocols and 24/7 expectations. While the big leap may work for some people, for a lot of people it it is destined to feel like an insurmountable task.

When I then tell those people how I personally enjoy D/s they always get a wide-eyes look of ‘What? So there are other ways to do it?’ Of course there are, and everyone should being enjoying FemDom and/or D/s in the way that suits them best of all.

There’s a chance that if you start off slow you might find yourself wanting to increase protocols, and perhaps one day you will arrive at a 24/7 dynamic and that is probably a healthier way to go about it, rather than trying to walk before you can run. Likewise you can go back. You can always dial it back a bit if one or both of you are struggling with your current level of D/s.

I will add a small word of warning here to anyone identifying as submissive and looking to begin exploring D/s. You will stumble across ‘Dominants’ who will tell you being owned and collared is a must, and doing things 24/7 their way is the only way. They are wrong and they are dangerous. Any Dominant worth a damn will take things slowly for you, because someone’s submission is absolutely worth waiting for and a decent Dominant understands they have to earn your trust before you are ready to go ‘all in’ in terms of being owned, high protocol and/or 24/7.

Be safe! Be you! And most of be a total Bitch to anyone who tries to force their ways onto you. 


This is the sixth article of a 12 part series, the seventh part is ‘Your sub Doesn’t Have To Be Weak‘. You can hear more of my thoughts on FemDom and Kink by tuning in to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram or you can send a friend request on Fetlife.

If you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to BuyMeACoffee.

Buy Floss a coffeeBuy Floss a coffee

 

7 thoughts on “FemDom Friday: It Doesn’t Have To Be 24/7”

  1. Oh, so much this. Especially the postscript.

    So many people that have never gone further than the keyboard are convinced they know the ‘rules’ of D/s and how everyone else should behave in order to earn the label of being a twoo sub or a twoo dom/me.

    What you describe is what I would call D/s in real life. I don’t care if it’s a couple who get out the handcuffs once a month or 24/7 D/s, it is all inclusive because they have arrived at their personal accommodations around the process of living their lives.

    Moods change, circumstances change and importantly interests change. Any D/s relationship that is so rigid about some set of rules in a determination to be 24/7 is going to rapidly fail in light of such variables. Only lots of communication between partners on how to adapt can succeed.

    What people agree between themselves is their definition of D/s is good enough for me because it is no one else’s business.

    Oh, and don’t get me started on the dead-end fallacy of contracts.

    melody xx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for such great feedback. I’m quite happy doing things my own way and sharing my experiences in case it’s of use to other people, but that doesn’t stop it being nice when what I write resonates with others 🙂 x

      Like

  2. Great post and message. This is exactly how I like to experience my cuckold kink. We have our moments (get into our roles and do the scene) and then return to normal life rather than living it 24/7. I once read something that has really stuck with me about the distinction you make between “scenes” vs. 24/7. Scene play is a kink. 24/7 is a fetish and implies that one’s enjoyment of sex and the relationship is greatly diminished if the fetish isn’t involved. Having a fetish is fine…great for some, but I’m okay with not having a fetish and more than happy to have a variety of kinks to move into and out of. Hmmm, now that I think about more, maybe being kinky in general is my fetish 😈☺️

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s