FemDom Friday: Sensual Domination Is Valid

 

‘I won’t be a very good Top/Dominant because I don’t want to hurt people’

Most Sadists will at some point be the Top in a scene, due to the nature of Sadism being a doing thing, not a receiving thing. Not all Sadists will identify as, or have any desire to be a Dominant though. On the flip side of that, many Tops and Dominants have no Sadistic inclinations at all.

‘What can I do to be Dominant though if I don’t like causing pain?’

Pain play is a huge part of BDSM … for some people. It is the SM (Sadism and Masochism) part of the acronym. If you are neither a Sadist or a masochist though, you still have all the other letters to play with. Bondage and Discipline and Dominance and submission. None of which need to involve pain.

Sensual Domination is to my mind a very effective and extremely sexy method of Domination. I’ve found fair few descriptions of sensual domination since I’ve started exploring kink and I have to be honest I am yet to find one that I feel encompasses all the nuances of sensual domination.

For me Sensual Domination isn’t about what is isn’t or what it doesn’t involve. I don’t see the benefit in stating sensual domination can’t or doesn’t include humiliation and restraint or that it isn’t for really Domly Doms! All that does is exclude people who love humiliation and bondage or being super Domly from potentially exploring a wonderful kind of Domination.

Sensual Domination is about pleasure and sensory exploration. It’s about showing your partner a new world, where the only things that exist are the sensations you provide them with. Touch. Taste. Sight. Sound and Scents are all powerful erotic motivators. When you are playing with Sensual Domination you not only stimulate these senses but remove some of them entirely to great effect.

Some of the things I have at my disposal for Sensual Domination are:

  • Ropes – for me bondage absolutely has a place here, the sensuality of Shibari is a wonderful way to connect with your partner.
  • Ear Defenders – Standard noise reductions headphones from the local DIY store. They are wonderful for reducing what can be heard.
  • Blindfold – I personally use a Mindfold. Comfortable and achieves total darkness.
  • IMG_7037Perfume/Aftershave – Wearing the same scent for all your scenes can be quite intoxicating. Our reactions to familiar smells can be intense, so linking that smell to your kinky times has a lot of potential.
  • Wax Play – For some people this may edge a bit to close towards pain play, but for those is doesn’t wax play can be a very sensual form of play.
  • Wartenberg Wheel – While they can look a bit scary, applied gently, a Wartenberg Wheel can provide a wonderful sensation.
  • Lubricant – Not enough people, both kinky and non-kinky use lubricant to increase the sensuality of their sexy times. A genital massage with a decent lube is definitely a sensual experience in my book.

Items I personally use less of but are great for sensual domination are feathers and silk scarves and ice cubes and warm water for temperature play, and if food is your kink lots of sweet treats can be adapted wonderfully for this kind of play.

Massage is another thing I love to factor into Sensual Domination. Not only can you use it to get your bottom/submissive into a really relaxed space. It’s also something they can do for you as a service/worship/ritual based action. You can keep massage fairly simple, or you can use your favourite scented oils and massage candles, as well as things like hot massage rocks. In keeping with this theme washing and bathing can also be both erotic and sensual. Especially as it’s something we don’t often have done for us, so IMG_7038incorporating it into a kinky or sexy session can heighten its use.

One of the most wonderful tools we all have at our disposal for Sensual Domination though is our minds and our words. Finding out what makes your submissive tick and using that to you advantage during a scene to get them aroused is often all you need to really get the Sensual Domination ball rolling. Soft whispers against the ear, choice phrases that you know get them going and any other verbal delights your know will work for you and your bottom.

As I mentioned in my first article of this series ‘Don’t Be Swayed By The Stereotypes’ it’s easy to assume we all need to be the Latex clad, crop wielding Dominatrixes dishing out humiliation and extreme pain at every turn. For most people exploring FemDom as part of an ongoing dynamic, even if extreme is their thing, it is often balanced with the sensual and loving side of FemDom too.

I love indulging in Sensual Domination, but I also have a wicked Sadistic streak. As someone who has enjoyed both I can definitely confirm that sensual is not a lesser form of Domination, which is often the underlying tone of opinion on the matter. It is valid whether it is something you choose to embrace as your overall Domination style, or whether like me it’s something you choose to incorporate with other things.


This is the third article in a 12 part series. The Fourth article is ‘Be Prepared To Find New Kinks’. If you would like to hear more of my thoughts you can tune in to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram or you can send a friend request on Fetlife.

The interaction between myself and my readers is what truly keeps my blog going, your likes and comments always make me smile, if however you would like to support what I do in other ways you can follow the link below to buy me a coffee.

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6 thoughts on “FemDom Friday: Sensual Domination Is Valid”

  1. Thanks for this – still trying to get clarity about where I fit in, and I think I tend more to this aspect (although some pain works for me). I look forward to reading your other posts on kink.
    Indie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so pleased this has resonated with people. I have my suspicions that this approach is far more common than we realise, but for whatever reason it is glossed over in favour of other things. I think it is delightful though 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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