[FemDom Friday] FemDom Is For Switches Too

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Switch – A person who may feel Dominant or submissive depending on their mood or their partner. Switching also encompasses those who identify as Top/bottom, and Sadist/masochist

I never would have found my love of FemDom if I hadn’t initially thought I was a submissive. When I joined the kink scene it was with the assumption that I would find a Dominant to explore my submissive side with. While in some ways that did happen, another and surprising thing happened too. I realised that while I do enjoy being a bottom, I have a great passion for Topping, and the resulting conclusion was that I am in fact a Switch.

Top – A person who is in control during a scene, this person may or may not identify as a Dominant

Bottom – A person who gives up control, receives physical sensation and/or verbal instruction during a scene from a Top, this person may or may not identify as submissive

A lot of people find their passion for Dominance or submission in the same way, by trying the other side of the slash (so called due to the Dominance and submission shorthand of D/s). For many people though, while they may prefer one over the other, their joy in engaging in both never wanes. Yet it is still all too common for people to feel like they have to deny one side to be fully accepted as the other.

Dominant – A person who exercises control in a D/s dynamic

Submissive – A person who consensually gives up control in a D/s dynamic

While I am saying we shouldn’t do this, I do 100% understand why it can be tempting. I have many times wondered whether I should just changed my social media profiles to reflect only the FemDom side of my kinks, on reflection though I feel like this would do me a disservice and if somebody is put off from connecting with me because I am a switch, then actually I don’t think I lose out at all.

There are a subsection of people who think that you cannot be a ‘real’ FemDom, or for that matter a male Dominant, if you also bottom, or engage in a dynamic as a submissive. It is rare that I make blanket statements, but that line of thinking is completely incorrect. You may not be switchy, you may only enjoy being Dominant, or only enjoy being submissive and that is absolutely valid. Your personal leanings to only one side of the slash does not and should not diminish my ability as a switch to enjoy both.

My journey into FemDom and being a switch began with my regular partner, what that dynamic looks like has changed over time. What hasn’t changed though is that the potency of my Dominance over him during a scene is not altered by the fact he might have given me a good spanking that week, or that when the scene is over he might be the one in control of a thoroughly good fucking.

It seems to me that only a certain selection of Dominant women are expected and encouraged to use the word FemDom in relation to their interests. In some cases it seems to be a synonym for pro-domme, or 24/7 Mistress. Let’s be honest though it is simply an amalgamation of the words Female and Dominant and I propose that more of us should be using it to identify the way we enjoy playing with our partners.

When I started looking for information on FemDom, I didn’t feel like I would fit the profile at all, I felt like it was a club I could never gain access to, because so little of the information was aimed towards women who were just starting their journey and looking to explore. Women who were sensual, women who were masochists, women who are sexually submissive, but fully in control as a kinky Top, women who hate the thought of humiliation, women who are shy, women who are eager to show their Dominant side but are discouraged by knowing they are multi-faceted and don’t want to be pigeonholed as one kink identity only.

Whenever I write about switching, or whenever we discuss it in public, or on the podcast, without fail another woman will approach me to discuss how they either took far too long to embrace their inner Dominant, or are still struggling to find out how they explore that side of themselves and this makes me so sad.

While everyone is different, for me, FemDom was my missing link. It was the part of my sexual self that suddenly filled in all the gaps, it was the first time I felt truly sexy, and fully able to embrace my feminine powers. I felt alive and euphoric, and more connected to my partner than ever before. To know that women are wanting to experience either these or other effects of FemDom but are missing out because they don’t think they are ‘real’ enough, is the reason I write articles like this.

Another reason I wanted to write this particular post, is to encourage women who are predominantly Tops or Dominants to come forward and embrace the kinks they enjoy as a bottom without feeling like they will be stripped of their FemDom stripes. For example I’m a masochist, I enjoy the pain and sensations of being spanked, as do many other women. Why should we give that up, just to prove to someone who probably doesn’t matter that we are to be taken seriously as a Dominant.

For me, my success or failure as a FemDom comes entirely from how I feel inside about who I am as a Dominant, when I am in that headspace, and how my partner (regular and/or casual) reacts to our scenes when I am being wicked to them.

I was always very careful to use the word Top, as opposed to Dominant, Dom and even FemDom because I felt like my my Topping side was more about action than dynamic. As time as gone on though I’ve realised that when we are in scene, something shifts inside of me, and my desire runs far deeper than I expected it too. Which is why I feel that being into FemDom, is about more for me than just administering the physical actions of Topping.

For me FemDom is about connection, and passion, it gives me a way to delve into someone in a way I never could as a submissive. I love exploring the feelings of power and control, while giving someone the freedom submission brings by stripping those things from them. FemDom allows me to revel in my sexuality and womanhood in a way I had never managed to before.

I know for certain that many of you are wanting to discover what it is Femdom might be for you, not because I’m great at guessing, or because you contacting me to tell me so, but because of the search terms you are using to find my website. It is my hope that someone reading this decides that the time has come for them to indulge in their desires and stop finding reasons to deny themselves an experience that could well lead to some amazing times.


This is the second article in a 12 part series. The third article is ‘Sensual Domination is Valid’. If you would like to hear more of my thoughts you can tune in to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram or you can send a friend request on Fetlife.

If you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to support me through Ko-fi

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4 thoughts on “[FemDom Friday] FemDom Is For Switches Too”

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