FemDom Friday: Don’t Be Swayed By The Stereotypes

When I first tried my hand at Topping, it was not what I would call a success. I bought the clothes and the shoes that said ‘I am a Dominatrix’, my hair and makeup matched the stereotype that the word Dominatrix conjures. When it came to the nitty gritty though I found that style wasn’t enough, because in attempting to explore that side of myself, I wasn’t the ideal version of a Female Dominant that the people I was Topping had imagined I would be.

In my various wanderings around the internet, I have seen many women say they can’t be Dominant within their kink explorations for a myriad of reasons. The only reason that I believe to be valid for not trying FemDom is that is truly does not interest you. Being petite, having no sadistic inclinations, an attraction to men who take charge in their daily life, or who are physically stronger than you – none of these are to my mind barriers to exploring or enjoying FemDom.

The Dominant woman stereotype, is just that, a stereotype. I follow a varied selection of pro-dominants and lifestyle dominants across a wide range of social media. While many of them have common interests, no two are the same.

When I met Bakji, (for new readers this is my partner in sexy shenanigans and my fellow host of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast) I knew he was a switch and I made it very clear that I would not be a candidate for FemDom fun. He was accepting of that, and never once pushed me to try it, despite the fact he would have enjoyed us giving it a go together.

As time moved on I became curious about his submissive side. Luckily he was willing to answer my questions, and we had an open and honest dialogue about the kinks he was into and why he was into them. Over a period of about 6 months I went from curious, to interest kindled. I decided to start off slow, my intentions being that I would learn Shibari, as a means to evolving my Toppy side.

Shibari – An artistic form of Japanese rope bondage.

What I thought would be a small flame of interest, turned into a raging inferno of desire, I fast fell into a  full on love affair with FemDom. Rope Topping quickly became accompanied by a desire to Dominate and control some of sexy scenes. Before we knew it this had become our regular dynamic, and I was left wondering how I didn’t realise I had this within me.

A lack of understanding about how BDSM actually works, and a huge lack of knowledge about what I was actually into, meant that I was swayed by the stereotype and I thought I had to be someone else, a perfect and pristine version of Female Domination to be precise, to be sexy and successful as a Dominant partner. What I learned through playing with Bakji was that being myself was actually the best way to find my style of FemDom.

I have learned that you can just as easily Dominate someone with a sweet and sensual approach, as you can with a steely and strict approach. Both are valid, both work in different ways, for different people and neither should be dismissed as wrong. BDSM isn’t a black and white, either, or, kind of world, for many of us. It’s beautifully nuanced, and allows for us to pick and choose what parts of kink and fetish we choose to incorporate into our dynamics.

Despite what much of internet porn will tell us, you do not have to wield a crop or be into CBT to be able to flourish as a Female Dominant. It’s acceptable to not want to call your partner humiliating or degrading names, or  instead want to shower them with sensual and loving affection, both in scene and out.

CBT – Cock and Ball Torture. Play involving pain and/or manipulation of the cock and balls.

FemDom, Female Dominant, Dominatrix, Mistress, none of these words are meant as synonyms for cold, heartless, joyless, bitchy, cruel or any other word that people seem to associate with Female Dominance. Don’t get me wrong, I love indulging my inner bitch during play, but it isn’t a necessity.

I have engaged in scenes with Bakji in head to toe Latex, skyscraper heels and a fierce desire to be utterly merciless with my teasing and sexy dose of cruel to be kind. On the flip side though, we’ve also entered scenes were I still had my slippers and pyjamas on. More traditional lingerie often features, and sometimes I even get naked, though as a fan of CFNM this is rare by choice, not by some unwritten rule of FemDom.

CFNM – Clothed Female Naked Male.

If any part of you, with a willing and eager partner, would like to try or plunge head first into FemDom, but have been talking yourself out of it because you’re worried you aren’t ‘FemDom enough’, I urge you to put your worries aside and give it a go. The worst thing that can happen is that you decide it isn’t a good fit for you after all, at best you could end up starting a wondrous journey of self discovery as I have.


This is the first article in a 12 part series, released every first Friday of the month. The next article in the series is ‘FemDom Is For Switches Too’. If you would like to hear more of my thoughts you can tune in to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram or you can send a friend request on Fetlife through _Floss_.

The interaction between myself and my readers is what truly keeps my blog going, your likes and comments always make me smile, if however you would like to support what I do in other ways you can follow the link below to buy me a coffee.

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14 thoughts on “FemDom Friday: Don’t Be Swayed By The Stereotypes”

  1. Floss I love this! 💕💕💕 babe is not the typical femdom type or the thought of type! She says please and thank you 😂. But she is perfect for are dynamics and I love being her sub or victim when Is feels the need to tie someone up and ….. teehee! So look forward to the next one !

    Liked by 1 person

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