I recently read this post on Poly.Land, ‘Whose Story Is It? On writing Without Permission’, as always a great post by Page, but it was the title alone that got me thinking about writing this blog post, before I’d even had a chance to check in and read the full post. Please do go and give it a read, because my post is not reflective of the content, merely a piece inspired by the title.
My online writing presence began with erotica, I very wrote behind a persona and to that end I could write whatever I fancied and it didn’t matter to anyone. When I started to move into blogging I was suddenly faced with a huge predicament. How did I write about things, and my experiences without pulling other people into the mix? I didn’t really know how, so my blog just didn’t happen for a really long time.
Then I met Bakji, and he probably doesn’t even realise that something he said sticks in my mind to this day and it was his words that eventually got my blog rolling, he basically told me I had to write from the heart and write the things I wanted to write. So that is what I started doing.
The blog posts I write are quite often not just my tales to tell, more often than not they are Bakji’s too. In the early days of me beginning to blog about things relating to our dynamic or my experiences within our dynamic, I was very cautious about not saying things he would be uncomfortable with. I would forward my writing onto him first and I wouldn’t publish them online until he’d given the okay.
Soon enough I realised this wasn’t necessary, I quickly got the measure of what was going to sit well with him and what wouldn’t. Quite honestly though I’ve never wanted to write anything that he would not be comfortable with. I mostly just want to tell people how lovely he is and how I love having him in my life. Feel free to barf from the sickly sweetness of that sentence.
I often discuss this topic with Bakji, and I’m thankful he’s supportive of my blog and my other writing endeavours. I’m also grateful that he doesn’t want to censor me, because my blog wouldn’t be half of what it is without the honesty I am able to inject into it and I can’t be honest if I can’t write about Bakji.
It probably helps that we do the podcast too, there’s really not much we don’t discuss there, especially with the addition of FemDom and Fetish Fun for our Patrons, where we discuss in detail our kinky scenes. There’s not much our readers and listeners don’t know about us now. It’s refreshing though. Especially if our being open and honest about our experiences is useful in some way to the people we are sharing with.
I know there are probably people reading this wondering why I think this is a big deal, but I can only imagine that for every one of us that has a supportive partner, partners or friends who champion our freedom of speech, there are many other people who would love a platform for their thoughts but are censored or silenced for a multitude of reasons. I am thankful that I am not one of those people.
That’s not to say I don’t respect and understand people desire and need for privacy. I absolutely do. There are many ways to preserve privacy though and still be open and honest within an online setting. I wonder how many people have that concern though, and how many are more concerned with other things, like not being in control of opinions of themselves, or their partner receiving input from others that does not align with their own opinions and interests.
I’ve seen lots of people withdraw, or hold back from writing because their partners were worried about what they might say. You have to wonder in that situation, what it is they’re afraid of hearing. I think Bakji’s confidence in me and my writing is down to the fact he treats me well. Of course, neither of us are perfect, but on the whole I have nothing terrible to put out there. We’ve talked openly on the podcast about areas we both lack in and how we’ve improved, or continually try to improve. So there isn’t a deep dark secret that I’m suddenly going to blab to the blogging community.
I say this as someone who knows what it’s like to have someone write about me in a way that wasn’t exactly delightful, and it was frustrating to have no control over the light in which they painted me. They didn’t name me though, and they needed to vent. I didn’t fancy them, our friendship had deteriorated because of the imbalance of feelings and that hurt, I get that. I know how it feels to hurt, and when we hurt we want people to support us and validate our feelings. However if I ever pointed out to anyone I know that the writing I’m speaking of is about me, they’d be very surprised to discover I’m not evil incarnate, and that I don’t spend my spare time chewing up men’s hearts and spitting them out.
We all tell our stories in a different way, two people can experience the same thing through very different prisms, but I do believe that each person has a right to share their voice in their own way with the world. Ideally that would be in a way that respects privacy, which I can honestly say I see in all of the blogs I’m fond of.
If you have stories you want to share, then be bold and find a way to share them, and if you’re stifling someone’s voice, please don’t, you never know who might be inspired or comforted by another’s words, and experiences.