#ProudToBeKinky / bdsm / Communication / kink / podcasts / Relationships

Epsiode 40: Kinky Communication

Communication is our topic this week, as Bakji and I go it alone to share our thoughts on the importance of communicating with your partner. Our private conversations over the last few weeks have come back round to communication on many occasions. Both reflecting on how communicating with previous partners has been more difficult than we felt it should be, and why we thought that might be.

We discuss why communication is so important especially within the kink community, be that with a casual play partner or within an established dynamic. Whether you are wanting to talk about sexual desires, kinky desires or your relationship as a whole, we cover how there is often a time and place for these discussions and how sensitivity and empathy is a must.

Face to face, over the phone, Whatsapp, Trello and Instagram are all methods of communicating Bakji and I have used in our time together. I always feel that as adults we are meant to be totally down with face to face communication, but I’m here to say, sod that. Sort of. I think if something is making you feel anxious when it comes to discussing it, and you can find a more comfortable way to express yourself that will move things forward, then why not do it.

That said myself and Bakji have both become a lot better at actually using our words and communicating with each other both the good, the not so good, and of the course the kinky, sexy awesomeness. We discuss how this has helped our relationship, and what we think made communicating with each other different to previous relationships.

We reflect on how our experiences of talking about sex and physical desires in our younger years are very different. We wonder if this is a gender divide, or a throwback to when women were actively discouraged from embracing and enjoying their sexuality and having their sexual needs and want wasn’t seen as the done thing.

The Top/bottom dynamic also extends outside of kink dynamics and into non-kink sexual interactions, we do feel though that isn’t explored outside of the kink community and therefore it can sometimes be hard to express your needs without those terms at your disposal to help explain the nuances of what it is you’re looking for.

Things get mildly controversial as we discuss the importance of sexual attraction and desire in life, and how romantic love sometimes gets prioritised when it isn’t necessarily the most important thing for everyone. We talk about how knowing what is important to you is what matters most and being able to express that without feeling guilty is essential.

If you have any thoughts yourself on this week’s episode, or any others please do get in touch with us. You can contact us via hello@proudtobekinky, or you can hit social media and find us on Instagram, Twitter, Fetlife and Facebook. We have had some truly wonderful messages recently and they have made us smile from ear to ear, and one may have brought a tear to my eye.

When you’ve caught up on all the episodes of #ProudToBeKinky and you’re looking for something else to listen to check out our friends in the Podcast Jukebox Network. Off the Cuffs, Drinks with God, Parking Lot Radio and the Will Sean podcast. They are all fabulous for different reasons, but well worth a listen.

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