When I first joined Fetlife the messages I got were mostly disrespectful requests that I comply with a ‘Dominants’ desires. As my pictures have started including things like Latex, and crops and heels worthy of worship, messages from Dominants have ceased almost entirely and the messages from submissive have begun.
On the whole I must admit I find the messages from submissive men far less grating. They tend to be a lot more respectful than Dominants and are far more open to being ‘corrected’ if the tone of their message is a little off. Which means their chance of having a conversation with me increases.
Recently I received a message that appealed to me for information on a particular subject, something of which I have no knowledge of in terms of it being conducted in a 24/7 dynamic, so I kindly suggested Fetlife groups would probably be the best place to find information.
What followed was an admission that he was being demanding and bratty, and was essentially trying to bait me into teasing and humiliating him. Which I must admit got my hackles up and my desire to engage in further conversation was diminished.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love teasing and I don’t mind a certain amount of erotic humiliation. I also deal with a fair amount of bratting and baiting from Bakji when we play together. In fact the main way he tempted my Toppy side out to play was by being a little bratty and goading me into Topping him, once I had made my desire to switch clear.
The difference being though that the dynamic we had already established meant I was his to goad, and he regularly checks in as to whether or not I am happy to continue being on the receiving end of playful bratting. He is respectful of my wishes and is very quick to fall in line when I make it clear he needs to behave during scenes.
What I hated about the messages from the unnamed submissive was the assumption I would fall in line with his desires. With zero consideration as to whether or not it would be of any interest to me. By his own admission he was being demanding and bratty, wanting the pretty girl to be amused by his predicament and tease him about it. The problem with this scenario? I give zero fucks about his predicament, or how pent up his Mistress keeps him, that’s her business not mine. I also feel like his behaviour is also hers to deal with too, though I suspect she doesn’t actually exist so that could be tricky.
The underhand method of trying to engage me in the type of conversation he was after was rather irritating too. I often get messages that start with ‘I want …’ requests vary from wanting to be my slave, to more activity specific things like peg them while I wear my Latex. All of these requests go ignored as I just do not have the inclination to reply. However at least they’re upfront so I know what I’m dealing with. The guise of wanting my advice was the only thing that made me engage with this particular message.
When we record #ProudToBeKinky we say at the end of every episode, and in every blog post that you can message us, either via the podcast email or via our personal social media accounts if you have any questions. So due to that, and also due to my writing this blog people get in touch with genuine questions relating to kink. I absolutely want to reply to those people, and enjoy doing so. I don’t have all the answers when it comes to kink, but what information I have I am happy to share. Having my good intentions taken advantage of made me quite cross.
There was also part of me, the part of me that isn’t cynical about the existence of his Mistress, who was cross on her behalf. If indeed he is a owned and caged submissive he does seem very respectful of that fact. Yes, all dynamics are different, and we all have different expectations of how our partners will behave with others. His attitude though and the way he speaks about his situation just screamed disrespect to me. Which isn’t exactly an endearing quality when someone is trying to get you to engage in a D/s exchange, albeit a fairly mild one.
The messages with this individual have come to an end, my patience was unusually high on the day we spoke, however when he attempted once more to illicit a response from me over how I felt about my picture making him feel ‘turned-on and pent up’ and my reaction was more ‘meh’ than ‘wahey’, his messages ceased. I guess the ‘pretty girl’ just didn’t jump through the hoops presented as he had hoped.
The moral of the story? Be respectful, at all times of all people, remember people are not ‘Fetish Delivery Systems’, don’t be a douche and for the love of God do not try and bait me!