I have written both about my journey into Topping and how my thoughts on how I identify have changed, something I flicked past on Fetlife recently though got me thinking along different lines.

A Fetlife friend of mine had commented on a writing entitled ‘The Truth About submissive Men’ and it set my little brain whirring. I don’t know any universal truths about Submissive men, I rather assume that like the rest of us they come in all varieties. So this isn’t really about all submissive men, but it is about my submissive man, well technically he’s switchy like me, and technically it’s more about how I perceive his submissiveness rather than about him specifically.  However, if you’d like to know more about him in detail then listen to our podcast, where you can get to know him in his own words.

I think one of the things that prompted me to start thinking about Topping Bakji is the fact that he is a relentless tease. When he first started practicing rope with me, I spent what felt like forever wondering if he would ever kiss me, then an even longer forever wondering if he’d ever actually fuck me! It was absolute torture, but he made me feel so ridiculously melty and subby that all I could do was wait patiently like a good girl. Even once we’d crossed those bridges though, he still teased me with all the things I wanted.

So the Toppy part of me started to plot I think, it stood to reason that if I took charge I could touch him, and kiss him and take his clothes off as much as I wanted. There was also the fact I missed seeing him in rope. He is such a glorious rope bunny, and I thought that maybe if I decided to learn Shibari I might just be able to tempt him into my ropes. I can confirm that I was not wrong in that line of thinking. Doing rope together was a brilliant way of starting to explore switching within our dynamic. With no rope skills at all I was starting from scratch with Bakji as my bunny. Being the naughty bunny that he is though, it cultivated my Toppy side nicely.

One of the first things I came to love about Topping Bakji in those early days of rope shenanigans, was the sparkle he would get in his eyes when he thought his subby luck was in, I still get to see this look when we start to play and it is just the loveliest thing. It is playful and keen, and really makes me respond in all the best ways. This sparkle is usually followed by a look of defiance when he thinks he’s going to go all rebel sub on me, however, if I play my cards right this will turn into a glassy eyed spacey look that quite literally makes my Princess Parts melt into a pool of excitement.

Now as this is going onto a public platform, I’m not sure I should admit this next part as I could be creating more work for myself, but early on it became very apparent that Bakji has what could be referred to as a bratty side. For me though I enjoy the mischievousness and that little bit of fight it brings to a scene is great fun. I think for me that is a crucial part of why Topping Bakji is especially fun for me. I don’t want him begging at my feet before we have even begun, there’s no joy in that for me if I haven’t made it happen with a little bit of effort. It makes that final moment where I see him shift into total subbiness even sweeter, it is a feeling that is really hard to beat.

As I mentioned earlier, Bakji is rather good at the tease. One thing I always ache for when he is Topping me is to touch him. Not in a particularly erotic way, just in any way. My hands want to reach out and molest every part of him, and they never can, because Bakji is mean when he Tops. So one of the benefits of Topping him is that I get to touch him as much as I like. Or not touch him, because actually that is a lot of fun too. There is also something really primal in enjoying the physicality of him when he is restrained. I can’t deny that he is physically stronger than me, it’s something that is really hot for me as a sub. It works equally well for me as a Top though. Restrained, gagged and blindfolded, standing, sitting or kneeling as requested, it feels a little like having tamed a wild animal, controlling what should not be controlled.

I have read many other writings about how submission is sometimes viewed differently in men and women, I hope more so by people not actively involved in BDSM. Often they will comment on how a woman’s ability to submit is a strength yet in a man it is often viewed as weakness. For me though if anything, the strength and masculinity Bakji has shines even stronger in submission than in Dominance. This is yet another thing that has made Topping ever so slightly addictive.

Whether in a non-kink yet sexual setting or in a BDSM setting, my journey to accepting and freeing my Toppy side has been rocky. One of the reasons for this is that I had come to equate Topping with lack of care or affection. It never occurred to me this was because I was pushed into it on those occasions, instead assuming that the Toppy side of my personality was just plain cruel! So I was cautious to tread carefully when I began Topping Bakji, but within the realms of what we both enjoy I’ve started to be a little firmer in my approach and mildly sadistic. That is only possible though because the level of affection I feel for Bakji is undeniable, and the feelings I have rush to be heard when Topping, much as they do when subbing, which came as a real shock to me.

In the moments immediately following play I am often still buzzing from the high of Topping, it is honestly one of the best stimulants there is. Bakji on the other hand tends to look more like he’s taken a bucket load of sedatives. In those moments I just want to pour love and care right into him, it’s exceptionally intimate doing the actual scene, but I think the level of vulnerability post scene makes that intimacy even more intense. It’s things like this I wish non-kink people took the time to learn about whether they had a vested interest in BDSM or not. I think there is a lot to be learnt from the quiet often unspoken moments of a BDSM relationship.

There is always the question within a switch dynamic of when the pendulum swings the other way, and you inhabit the other side of the D/s slash. Currently we have been enjoying the FemDom side of things for a little while with great success and lots and lots of sexy fun. While I’m not hankering to indulge in my own subby side right away, I am always open to it should Bakji get the urge to get his Dom on. However, I think he might have to fight me for it, because the truth about playing with a sexy, subby guy, is that it’s hot as fuck and insanely addictive, who would give that up in a hurry. Not me, that’s for sure.