We don’t do this often, giving in to the raw, unrestrained, sweaty, heady throes of passion. Not because we don’t enjoy it, certain elements of these sessions suggest we both enjoy them immensely. We do however do other things and we craft and engineer our times together, which is way more romantic than it sounds I promise. It is also crucial I think to making the most of the moments we share together. Especially when together isn’t every day, and those, albeit small, stretches of time between visits lend themselves well to plotting and planning sexy scenes.
So impromptu moments of passion while so very tempting to give into, are often pushed into being something more, that desire to have him right there and then, when left to bubble inside turns into a deeper, achier, wanton want. The sub in me becomes subbier, the Top in me becomes, well a little bit feisty to be honest, I’m not entirely sure she’s a fan of being made to wait! My eyes are constantly taking him in, and every now and again I’ll hear that little Toppy whisper; ‘You could just wrap your fingers round his throat, and grab his cock … I’m pretty sure then we wouldn’t have to wait. So. Damn. Long.’
That eager, feist Top doesn’t have an awful lot to say though when the moments of giving in to the downright sexy sex do happen, and if she does think she’s got a fighting chance of speaking it doesn’t take much to silence her, a fistful of hair? Teeth sinking into my shoulder? Yep. That’ll do it! Because in those moments when it’s nothing but flesh upon flesh, it feels a little bit like being claimed, a not so subtle reminder of why I enjoy doing all I do with him.
It’s a peculiar thing to reflect upon, I’m not owned or collared, and don’t particularly have any designs on that happening and I love Topping him so much more than I ever could have imagined, just thinking about it makes my eyes glaze over and my body tingle. There’s a part of me though that absolutely adores that primal feeling of being taken. It’s a different type of surrender to subbing. It feels like a desperate, base level need to be overpowered, and enjoyed.
I know it’s not an uncommon thing in many BDSM dynamics to melt at a well placed ‘mine’, whispered or growled at whatever moment it is deemed appropriate, but for me there is nothing that says ‘mine’ more than these moments. That’s not to say it’s his intention to cause this reaction, but he does, so he’ll have to live with my response to his ever so sexy and manly outbursts of unbridled passion.
I think the reasoning behind my response is that I could top someone or bottom for someone and enjoy it without there being even the slightest hint of sexual interaction or even sexual attraction. A little bit of bum whipping between friends or some giggly rope can be a lot of fun, but finding the right level of chemistry and affection to make me want that level of sexual intimacy is a whole different ball game though.
Somehow I have been lucky enough to find someone who makes both prolonged teasing and instant gratification exceptionally fun and passion filled. He also makes me feel cherished and cared for both before, during and after any kind of debauchery. Even on the days I’m not quite feeling myself, he still brings hugs, kisses and laughter which makes me feel just as special. I think it is these actions, combined with the hair pulling and the biting, that cause me to completely surrender in those lust fuelled moments, because I know in those moments I can allow my body, my brain and my heart to be on the same page and still be absolutely safe from harm as I lie trapped beneath the warmth and strength of his body.